Words of wisdom from C.S. Lewis

Occasionally some of you literary on-line voyeurs will drop in for a visit and send me your comments on my writing and poetry. And for that I am eternally grateful. For those of you that know me, the source of all these thoughts and poetry is not unknown to you. As for the others, you are probably wondering where all this comes from. The short of it my friends is that I lost someone very close to me over the holidays. The details and names are not important. Suffice it to say that it was a romance that went sour and I was caught unaware. I suffered the same heartbreak we all do when we’ve been deceived by the ones we care for and I deal with that on a daily basis and the healing process that comes with it. However, the reason I write this evening is that it is important to point out that I am a changed person because of what happened. Not for the worse as you might suspect, but for the better. Five years ago I went through an incredibly similar situation which ended in the divorce of a long marriage. As a result, I became very bitter with a hardened heart and put up all the defensive walls that we do to protect ourselves from being hurt again. I lived that way through other relationships since then and never achieved true happiness or let anyone “in”. That is to say, until last year when this most recent romance started. Unfortunately it ended, in much the way the marriage did. But what is important to note is that I let my walls and barriers down, laid my heart and soul bare and allowed myself to love someone more than myself, and liked it!! What is the lesson here? The way I see it is that I am currently at a crossroads and I have a decision to make. Do I take the path to left and go back down that road of bitterness and defensiveness? Or do I take the path to the right and learn from this, accept the fact that I did everything right and I cannot control the actions of others? And if I take this path I must realize that the other person must live with their actions and if I let it consume me, I am empowering them to control my happiness. This time around, I learned a valuable lesson. I still have the capacity to “love” even though I didn’t think I still had it in me. Regrettably I seem to fall for the wrong person every time but I must take responsibility for the fact that I put myself in that situation and allowed myself to be hurt. No one else, just “me”. People like you and I know we are good, honest and true and we cannot control what other people in our lives do with these traits we offer them. Yes, they can use us and hurt us and sometimes they do. But if we do not put ourselves “out there” and take a chance, how will we ever find “that one” who will truly appreciate us for what we are and all we have to offer? The person who hurt us must also live with their actions and the consequences that come with them. Their problems are no longer our problem in their absence. I have chosen to take the road to the “right” and do what is right.

I have recently taken on the task of studying, in “snippets”, the works and writings of C.S. Lewis. If you saw the recent movie “Chronicles of Narnia”, it was based on his fantasy novels but that is not all he was known for. I have not had the time to do any serious scholarly work on his writings as of yet but I am putting it on my “to do” calendar. What many may not realize is that C.S. Lewis was also a profound writer of theology, secularism and the merging of the two. It is because of this and the similarities of his beliefs compared to my own, that I have become somewhat enamored with his work of late. He had great wisdom when addressing the challenges that we as people face on a day to day basis. I have been mentoring with someone who is very familiar with his philosophies and beliefs and we were discussing the things of which I speak now. Mainly the topic of “love” and its effects on us either for evil or good. We came across this passage from Sir Lewis and I wanted to share it with any of you who have ever been used, abused, deceived by those who feigned love for you resulting in your hardened hearts and defensive walls. May these words of wisdom guide you, sustain you and give you hope. Those of us with the highest walls of defense are usually those with the greatest capacity for love and caring.

I give you a passage from the writings of C.S. Lewis:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements, lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. And in that casket of selfishness your heart begins to change. It becomes hard, unbreakable, irredeemable.

The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love, is Hell.”

These are wise words my friends. Whether you are spiritual or humanist, you can substitute the words Heaven and Hell for your own visions of light and dark. But please remember, the day we stop learning is the day we stop living. I have learned that I can still love someone, whether they are deserving of it or not. And I look forward to the day when it knocks on my door again. And when it does, I will not close the door, I will open it wide with open arms. Let’s hope I am wise enough to recognize it when it does come calling. Let us hope we all are.

TAH